Happy Anniversary

This week my bride and I celebrate 35 years of marriage. I am a fortunate man, that my Creator set aside this wonderful woman as a gift for me.

Thirty-five years is a long time for anything. Longevity is a quality that is not-so-common in our culture. The years may not have been perfect, but they have been great.

Over these years, here are a few things that I have learned:

• Being right is too overrated. If I can remove my pride and seek a solution or resolution over a 'win', then we both are right.
• Listening is much more than hearing. So often I would hear my wife, but I wouldn't listen to what she was telling me.
• Solving the problem is not as important as feeling the pain. Sure a solution may be necessary at some point, but understanding and empathizing with my wife is what she may need right then.
• Allowing my wife to take care of me is one of her greatest desires. Being an I've got it covered, I'll take care of it type of person robs my wife of the joy of meeting my needs and helping me succeed.
• Being a team is our destiny together. When we sing together, the harmony created is beautiful. When we live and serve together, the harmony is glorious!

Five years ago I wrote the following post on this Blog. Today I feel the same way, only more. Allow me to share it again as a conclusion.

Milestones. Landmarks. Waypoints. These are all significant events in our lives that not only separate our lives into periods, but also act as defining moments for us. We celebrate birthdays, rites of passage (first kiss, driver's license) and achievements. We can remember our high school graduations and our first dates. If we are married, we can remember our wedding day.

When we are younger, milestones act more as separations in our lives. They let ourselves and others see us as "before" and "after". We reference milestones as points of change.

Thirty years ago today, I took Elaine Odom as my wife. I remember beginning to cry as she appeared in the doorway, escorted by her brother, waiting to come down the aisle where I stood. I remember how she smiled when we held each other’s hands and recited our vows. I remember our kiss, her first as my bride.

Thirty years ago today, I reached a milestone in my life. I got married. Today is another milestone, as Elaine and I celebrate thirty years of marriage. My life is not so much separated by this day as it is defined by it.

Question: What are some things you have learned in your marriage? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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The Truth About 'Fail'

Fail.

I really dislike that word. It's comes across as demeaning, minimizing, and humiliating. And is reeks of finality. Fail.

Our culture has made fail a popular word to use when someone might object to something, when a mistake is made, or when a person doesn't measure up.

Videos are uploaded on YouTube, pictures are emailed, laughter erupts.

But think about this for a minute: How do you think it might be affecting the receivers of this judgement? Are we so flawless that we have the right to attach this label on others?

And consider the impact we have when we use our relationships and our social media platforms to convey the message fail. Is this a productive way to leverage our influence?

 

About two years ago, I began to follow a respected national leader on Twitter (he has over 120,000 followers). I don't know this leader personally, but began to follow his tweets because I felt that he could contribute to my life, and make me a better leader.

A few months after I began to follow him, he tweeted that the service at a restaurant where he was eating was awful. He stated: My server is terrible! and then added the hashtag: #fail.

 

Well, I felt compelled to challenge him (privately of course). I messaged him that I felt his description of the server was unfair and way too negative to be coming from a leader of his caliber (or from anyone for that matter). He responded that I was right, and removed his tweet.

 That leader I follow: Not fail, just a mistake. There is a difference.

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My Best Investment Pick

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We are living in a volatile financial environment. Debt ceilings and tax increases are affecting credit ratings and investment risks. And that's just the Federal Government.

We are concerned about our own financial positions, our net worth, our retirement portfolios. Will I have enough money to send my kids to college? Will I be able to retire soon? What about that long needed vacation I promised my family?

It's questions like these that cause worry and concern in the average person. But what about the real average person?

The real average person isn't concerned about his stock portfolio, but rather if his family will eat today. The real average person isn't thinking about his daughter's college, but instead he's thinking about her lack of medical care. The real average person doesn't take a vacation, but rather works every week for less than $2 a day.

Why do I call that person average? Because a full two-thirds of the world's population is just like that person. And with that many numbers defining a group, they quickly become the average.

So what' my Best Investment Pick? Pour yourself into the lives of those average people who are barely getting by. How?

• Invest Money: Do you really need to spend $25 every time you eat out on a restaurant meal, when that same $25 will feed a family of four for a month?
• Invest Time: Visit the sick in a hospital and speak words of encouragement and faith. Mentor a younger, disadvantaged person in what you do.
• Invest Focus: Think in terms of changing your culture, rather than protecting your stuff.

I am trying to make this type of thinking my lifestyle. Join me?

Question: What can you do now that changes your investment strategy? Share your thoughts below in comments.

Changing Sights, Unchanging Stance

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I love dawn & dusk. I guess it's because I love new beginnings and strong finishes in life, and dawn & dusk personify that.

What attracts me the most is the changing sky. The colors are constantly emerging into different shades and hues, which makes for a constant creation.

This morning as I was stretching after my run, I watched the sky begin to lighten. The clouds started to reflect the sun's light from below the horizon, and a beautiful picture began to unfold before me.

Here are three things that I noticed:

• There was constant change happening in real-time, right before my eyes.
• Although change was happening around me, where I stood remained constant.
• Everything was beautiful.

So here are some take-aways from this simple, yet beautiful daily experience:

• Our world is always changing around us. Just a moment ago is already "back in the day".
• We must be consistent about "where we stand". We cannot be driven by the winds of opinion and pop-culture.
• There is beauty to be found everywhere, in everyone.

Simple thoughts yes, but perhaps some strong truths. I can hardly wait for this evening's drive home at dusk!

Question: What do you see changing around you, that requires a consistent stand? Share your thoughts below in comments.

Hardwired

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I had a... conversation with a colleague yesterday. We have started a new procedure in our agency at my day job, but I am having a difficult time adjusting to the new "flow".

I don't make excuses. I don't blame others. I owned up to my lack of "cooperation". I told him I am trying hard, that I am not purposely seeking to sabotage his "world".

You see, I am a fixer, a doer, a helper. When I encounter a customer, I want to help them with their need. But in our procedure, I am to send the customer to him first.

I have not gotten that right a few times. OK, let's say several times. Alright: a lot of times.

My colleague made an astute observation. He stated: It's the way you are hardwired. "Good point," I told him, but no excuse.

Many times our greatest strength can become our greatest weakness. We may be thinkers, or doers, or feelers. Sometimes that can work against us.

So I purposed to work harder, to concentrate on the ":flow", to create reminders for myself. I even asked him to remind me at the start of each day.

You see, each of us are created to be a certain way: we are hardwired. The Creator had a plan in mind when He formed us. We need to celebrate this. But, when it conflicts with others or with a plan, we need to adjust.

We simply cannot use the excuse: Well that's just the way I am. Especially when we try to use that excuse for our character flaws (anger, temper, ignoring needs, cutting off other's speaking to get our thoughts in, etc.). What can we do?

• Celebrate the way we are hardwired.
• Don't use the way we are hardwired as an excuse for character flaws.
• Focus on building our character.
• Adjust our hardwiring to fit with others, and to the flow of our organization.
• Ask the Creator to develop other areas of our lives to complement our hardwiring (Fruits of the Spirit).

My goal and desire is to make the organization I work for be as successful as possible. Even though I am hardwired a certain way, I am seeking to adjust me for the sake of others.

Question: How have you adjusted the way you are hardwired to the benefit of your organization? Share your thoughts below in comments.

Think, Dream, Create

Writers do it, musicians do it, artists do it: Think, Dream, Create.

Most of the time it begins with a thought. The thought becomes a dream, and the dream becomes a creation.

I believe that everybody can do this. It is not limited to writers, musicians, and artists.

All of us think - although some don't too often, but rather follow the current trend and culture.

All of us dream - although some have quit because their dreams have been stifled.

All of us create - although some feel they are not very creative.

You were created to think, to dream, to create. Go ahead.

Question: Have you seen your desire to Think, Dream, and Create diminish? And if so, why? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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How To Create Your Own Reality Show

If I were to watch much (or even a little) television, I would find myself living in a reality show.

Whether it be singing with the stars, or dancing with the idols (I did that on purpose), or watching a murder trial verdict on FoxNews, someone else's life is happening before my eyes. And you know what: I'm interested.

I know of families who actually cheer during the weigh-in on The Biggest Loser. Vote someone off the island, absoutely!

Have we become so detached from our own lives and worlds that we need someone else's life and world to find our identity? Is Prince Harry's wedding really worth clearing our calendar for? Is my own reality not worth investing my life into?

Every day at the same intersection I see a homeless person with a cardboard sign asking for money. Yesterday I was invited to go to Kenya in September to minister. I also got invited by several Facebook friends to put my porch light on at 9:00.

How do I create my own Reality Show? It's probably going to cost me several dollars to buy a meal for a homeless man. Or it could cost me a few thousand dollars to get myself to Kenya.

Flipping on my porch light is much easier, but it only means that I'm a guest in someone else's reality.

Question: Why do you think reality shows (both networked and in news stories) are so popular? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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3 Reasons You Should Read

I used to be not much of a reader. In school, I would do only the minimum to get by. Cliffs Notes were my best friend.

In my high school English Lit class we were studying "The House Of The Seven Gables" (yawn). I read the first five pages and quit. The final exam was a one question oral exam, in front of the entire class. I got lucky: my question came from the first five pages. I nailed it! Whew!

Being a purpose-driven/OCD/perfectionist, I would only read what would benefit me in my career. How To... and 5 Ways For... were my favorites. Skim through and apply the principles for success.

Then a few years ago my wife (an avid reader) challenged me to read a fictional novel. "Purpose", I asked? Her response: You'll enjoy it. Now that was the ultimate oxymoron: Reading=enjoyment. Ha!

Well, I'm not one to back down from a challenge, plus I love my wife dearly, so I read one (I even allowed her to choose it). And you know what? I actually liked it! So I read more. In fact, over the past nine years I have read 294 works of fiction. I even created a chart of favorite authors, and the books I've read (did I mention I was OCD?).

(Disclaimer: I do not seek to escape from the realities of life by immersing myself in the fictitious world between the covers of the books I read. Remember: I am purpose-driven.)

So here are three benefits I've found to reading fiction:

• It helps me stay creative. Using one's imagination to interpret what the author is intending in the story keeps our creative energies sharp.
• It gives the left side of the brain a chance to rest, thus making it more effective. Just as rest and refreshment are good for the body, the mind can use a break too.
• It's just plain fun! You may be thinking: Reading is fun? Ha! But, as a converted reader, I can attest that I actually look forward to the enjoyment that reading affords.

If you read, keep reading. If you don't read regularly, take a break from Netflix (or going the movies, if you can afford it) and feed your imagination. It's worth it!

Question: What benefits have you found in reading fiction? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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Lay Down: 5 Ideas For Creativity

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Do you remenber as a kid, laying in the grass and watching the clouds go by? Did you imagine you saw horses, whales, army tanks, and faces? (That's what I saw.)

As adults, those days don't seem to exist anymore, and although I sometimes long for the carefree experience of simply laying down and looking up at the sky, I would rather capture the imagination and creativity that those times produced.

What was it about laying in the grass and staring at the clouds that casued us to imagine and dream?

Actually, it's not laying down that makes us creative, but rather the changing of our perspective. Here are some ideas for changing our perspective to help stimulate creativity:

• When you need an idea or have to solve a problem, lie on the floor. Seeing things from ground-level causes us to think vertically.
• Trying to get a grasp of the big picture? Climb up on the roof, or go up a few floors and look out the windows.
• Need to see things from another's point of view, sit across from your desk and think in the guest chair. (Pastors, sit out where the congregation sits.)
• Write in longhand, instead of typing. It's a lost art, plus it allows you time to think through your words and language use. (Although my 82 year-old Mom likes to communicate by texting, I mail her a handwritten note every week. It allows me to capture and record my thoughts with more substance and heart.)
• Look backwards: Act like you are looking in your rear-view mirror. Start at the desired solution or outcome and think backwards to the beginning.

A different perspective is a great way to get creative and see your imagination come alive.

Question: What are some ways you have found to change your perspective and become creative? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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Uses For Old Ideas: Going Green

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I have a mentor/friend, L.C. Campbell, who says, "Don't reinvent the wheel." In other words, it's OK to take a used idea (even if it is someone else's) and re-shape it to fit your need or situation.

You may call it reycling ideas. I'll call them Green Ideas. Here are some ways to find and use Green Ideas:

• Use Green Ideas as a catalyst for brainstorming with your team, even if they laugh. (No need to claim ownership if the old idea is really lame.)

• Use Green Ideas from another industry. Ask, "How could that idea work for me?"

• Watch Youtube movie trailers from the 1950s. A great place to find 'Old School' Green Ideas.

• Combine some of the best elements of two or more Green Ideas to create a new idea.

• Ask someone a generation older than you what they did in a similar situation. (Respect your elders! If their Green Idea just won't do it for you, kindly thank them and smile. Laugh later in your car.)

A Green Idea may be just what you need to solve your problem, motivate your team, or take you to the next level in what you do.

Question: What are some ways you can use Green Ideas? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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The Old Fashioned Way

I got an email from an old friend today (that's what he put in the subject line: Old Friend). We met right after our high school graduations, and became fast friends.

He was from Atlanta, I from South Florida, and we worked hard at making our paths cross over the next several years. But, families were started, careers were pursued, and life happened. We lost touch after time and haven't connected for over 20 years.

He told me in the email that he was driving through Oklahoma and thought of a guy who mentored both of us, began to think of me, found me through my Blog, and there he was in my inbox.

I responded to him via email and asked if he was on Facebook. His response: Not on Facebook. We'll have to catch up the old fashioned way... by cell phone.

Wow, when did cell phones become old fashioned? I know of more and more people stopping their home phone service because of their cell phones. I also know of more and more people who skip email and communicate through Twitter, Facebook and other social media platforms. Are these forms of communication becoming old fashioned?

It seems that technology is changing so quickly, what was once fashionable is quickly becoming old fashioned. iCloud is replacing MobileMe, smart phones are replacing cell phones, apps are replacing programs. As another friend of mine put it: we live in a post-PC world.

I love the advances in technology, and the benefit they bring to our lives. I'm glad I can leverage social media, technology and communication to increase my influence. But there's nothing like an old fashioned face-to-face conversation.

I will call my old friend on his old fashioned cell phone. But I will also encourage him to come and visit so we can have an old fashioned face-to-face conversation.

Question: What do you consider old fashioned in our modes of communication? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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