Stories

All of us have a story. Our stories are our lives. Some would say their story is exciting. Others would say their story isn't very interesting. Exciting or common, long or short, all of us have a story. And no matter what we may think about it, all or our stories are good!

Yesterday as I was running I began to think about my story, and how it intersects with other's stories. All of us have "chapters" in our stories that are very similar to another's story because that is where our stories intersect.

Some of our stories have many "chapters" that are similar because of long relationships: my wife of 35+ years, my grown children, my life-long friends. Others have resurfaced in my story, as I have in theirs because we have reconnected in relationship after a season of different paths.

And as our stories progress, we find that we are constantly writing new chapters because we are constantly connecting with new people.
 Allow me to encourage you to continue to write your stories. See your story as an organic, living, changing, and flowing stream that takes on new dimensions as you grow in every area of your life, and as you grow your relationships.

Seek to make your story better as it gets longer: Invest in others, take risks, use your creativity, lead well, end strong.

Expect your story to continue even after you die, because those you have intersected with and influenced will intersect with and influence others.

 Question: How would you describe your story? Share your thoughts below in comments. 

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Practice, Practice, Practice

The old joke goes something like this: A tourist in New York City asks a man on the street, "How do I get to Carnegie Hall?" The man responds, "Practice, practice, practice."

That's sound wisdom for any artist or creative (and I believe that all of us are creative, because we were made in the image of the Great Creator). Practice.

So we sit in front of a music stand with our instrument, or at the pallet with our brushes, or with pen in hand and we practice.

But we need to think beyond traditional practice and look for creative ways to improve our craft. The writer looks at people and in their mind creates a "character" based on what they see. The painter always has their sketchbook handy for when they stumble upon a scene.

I remember as a Jr. High student, learning music in my Beginning Band class. My director was teaching us about intervals, and the relationship between notes. Wanting to master this fundamental, I would listen for sounds in "life" (the hum of a motor, a blaring car horn, the test pattern of a TV station), and practice humming intervals while identifying them in my mind.

To this day I still hum intervals when I hear a sustained tone. I think I'm being creative. My wife thinks I'm odd.

And then there are scales, the lifeblood of instrumental music. Wanting to use more than just my "band time" and my "personal practice time", I would (as a trumpet player) practice the fingering of the various scales by tapping them out on any surface my hand was on. (For you brass players reading this, when I took up the French horn in high school, I had to practice tapping with my left hand also!)

Again, I still find myself unconsciously moving my fingers in the sequence of a scale. I've noticed guitar players working on fingerings using their forearm as a fret board (a tell-tale sign you are a guitar player).

We should never stop practicing, even when we've "arrived". Practicing should be as much a part of our creativity as the performance. To this day, the great cellist Yo-Yo Ma regularly practices, sometimes five hours a day.

May I encourage all of us to continue to practice. Whether it be purposeful or casual, in preparation for an event or simply to hone your craft, practice. Your goal may not be Carnegie Hall, but the investment is worth the effort.

Question: What do you do to practice your craft/art? Share your thoughts below in comments.
 
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If I Had Facebook

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If I had Facebook when I first stubbed my toe,

     Would I share in my status, or simply get up and go?

If my Mom had Facebook when I won my first race,

     Would she update her homepage, or give praise to my face?

If I had Facebook when I won my first match,

     Would I put up a link, or pat myself on the back?

If I had Facebook when I got my first ride,

     Would I post lots of pictures, or take my friends for a drive?

If I had Facebook when I preached my first time,

     Would I tell all my contacts, or just kept it inside?

If I had Facebook with my fiancee far away,

     Would I have sent a quick message, or written letters everyday?
If I had Facebook when we were to be wed,
     Would I post invitations, or hand-address with a pen?
If I had Facebook when my children were born,
     Would I send one quick update, or tell each friend on the phone?
If I had Facebook when we buried my Dad,
     Would I post for sympathy, or with my family be sad?
If I had Facebook when challenges came,
     Would I share how tough life was was, or faced them with faith?
If I had Facebook when life was going on,
     Would I tell the whole world, or just quietly thank God?

Question: What would you have done differently if you had Facebook before you had Facebook? Share your thoughts below in comments.
 
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Two-Story House

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We live in a two-story house. I actually like two-story houses. I might change my position when I am older, but for now I'm ok with them.

Two-story houses are have always fascinated me. Growing up in South Florida, two-story houses were very uncommon to me. In fact, other than in pictures, I can't remember seeing an actual two-story house until I was in my late teens.

As I consider two-story houses, I realize that they can be an excellent metaphor for relationships. Here are some thoughts:

• Same Foundation: Any good relationship needs to have a common foundation or basis to be solid. Just as in a two-story house both stories share the foundation, relationships also share a common foundation. If that foundation is comprised of "weak" material, the relationship will erode, crack, or fall during storms.
• Stairs: Traversing between floors would be almost impossible were it not for stairs. In the same way, communication is the bridge between people. Sometimes we have to "climb up to their floor" to effectively connect verbally and emotionally, but it's worth the climb.
• Different View: From my bedroom window I can see the Sound, the Santa Rosa Island, and the Gulf of Mexico. I can't see them from the ground floor. In good relationships, the members are willing to see things from the perspective of the other. Sometimes the view is much better.
• Increased Floor Space: Two is better than one the Proverb says. Just as a second story increases the floor space in a house, two people in a relationship is much better. Creativity, responsibility, capacity, and fun are just a few of the things that increase when people are in relationship.
• Same Roof: I am so grateful for my roof. We experienced over two days of steady rain over the weekend but our house stayed dry. Both stories stayed dry. Same roof. The proper covering in a relationship is essential for protection. I am referring to faith in God. The people in that relationship need to share the covering, stay under the covering, and celebrate the covering.

Question: What other ways can a two-story house be a metaphor for relationships? Share your thoughts below in comments.
 
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Commute. Create!

Five days a week I commute to my day job office. Same time, same route, same same. I am one of approximately 130 million commuters in the US. (Some mornings it seems like they are all on the road with me here in Northwest Florida!)

I have found that the 30 minutes I spend in my Mini each morning (and 30 more in the evening) can become some of the most productive minutes of my day. I seek to leverage my commuting time and focus on being creative.

Want to make the most of your commuting time? Here are some suggestions:

• Turn off the radio. Why allow someone else to dictate what your mind focuses on? Yes you may like your music (or talk show host, or news report), but ask yourself if you are making the best use of your time.
• Get off the phone. Unless your job requires you to be on the phone, or a pressing personal issue needs your attention, end the call. Especially if you have others in your car. Are your children with you? Engage them, communicate with them, challenge them. (I addressed this in a previous Blog post.) Are other adults commuting with you? Speak with them, practice your listening skills, build your relationship with them.
• Choose what to listen to. If it's music, select what will prepare you for your day, what will motivate you, what will benefit you. The music I choose inspires me to create new music, and to focus on my Creator. Maybe you can listen to teaching CDs or books on CD. Remember: you are seeking to make the most of your commuting time.
• See what's around you. Sometimes the same route creates a drone-like mentality. We just drive/ride every day and don't even notice what's around us (when did they build that Super Walmart?). I have the privilege of traveling a route that goes for 12.5 miles along the pristine white sand and turquoise water of the Santa Rosa Sound. I can't always see the water because of the structures or trees, but when I can see it, I look. This morning I watched the sun directly in front of me burning through the fog. A surreal sight, but it gave me an idea...
• Pray. This may be a requirement on some commuting routes (the DC Beltway...). But I am referring to proactive praying, where you are leveraging your time and making the most of your commute. Pray for what? Yourself, your family, your co-workers, the people in the cars around you...
• Create. Allow ideas to fill your mind, rather than music, chatter, and noise. Dream, think, create, imagine. That's how the Blog post you are reading was conceived. I turned off the noise, and in the silence allowed my mind to conceive, envision, and create.

Question: What would happen if you took control of your commuting time? Share your thoughts below in comments.
 
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Is Easier Better?

Last night I made a change in next Sunday's song list for our church's worship team. Not only did I change a song, but I realized that to continue the flow, I needed to transpose the song into a different key.

I could have used one of the many auto-transpose tools that are available to musicians. But instead I chose to manually transpose it, chord by chord, line by line.

Why? I want to keep my transposition/charting/theory skills sharp. There was an easier way, but was it better?

I remember being a wide-eyed freshman during my first week of college, hanging out before Stage Band class in the music department. A few of the older students in the stage band were sitting with our director in his office watching while he was working on some music.

I was intrigued as he lowered the turntable arm onto a Chicago LP, listen for a few measures, lift the arm, and write the music he had heard on score paper, then repeat the process for another instrument. (We did a lot of jazz-rock music, covering groups like BS&T, Billy Preston, early Stevie Wonder, Chicago - most any group with a horn section... Oh, and the LP thing - hey, this was 1974!)

I came away from that moment very impressed with my director, and determined that I was going to develop that skill. I knew very little music theory, and even less about chord structure, but I purposed to learn what was necessary.

With a lot of trial and error, study and practice, over time my ear developed where I could successfully accomplish that process.

I would be at concerts, in worship services, or listening to the radio, and find myself breaking down melody lines, identifying chords, and writing harmonies in my head. It was work, but it was coming naturally.

Then tools (software, websites, services) became available to make the process easier. But did it make the process better?

Many times we are offered helps and tools that are designed to make our lives easier. For creatives, could those tools hinder our creativity?

I remember the scene from the movie Amadeus, as Mozart leaned over his billiards table with his scoring paper strewn over the surface, rolling a pool ball back and forth against the opposite side with one hand while he scored a symphony using a quill and ink with his other. Would his music be as good if he was sitting in front of a 23" screen on his iMac, scoring with software?

Call me old school, but I don't want to surrender to the fast and easy. I want to keep my mind and ears sharp, to hear a chord and dissect it, to be able to transpose on the fly. For me, easier is not always better.

Question: What about you... As a creative, is easier better? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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Win Twice

We've all heard it, most of us have said it: I was robbed! We had to beat the refs too! It wasn't fair! A bad call cost us the game!

Whatever form that it takes, using whatever words are chosen, the message is the same: It wasn't fair.

I learned something early in my journey: Life is not fair. Expecting an even playing field for all of my challenges, weather in school, sports, business, ministry, or relationships is unreasonable.

I remember the first wrestling match of my senior year of high school. Our coach didn't schedule any matches during the first month of the season, and then once we started we usually had three matches a week. His philosophy: train for an extra month, then once we began against opponents go strong and relentlessly through the season.

My opponent for that first match had a 5-0 record, all of them pins. I knew that my work was cut out for me. As I watched the four bouts before mine, I noticed that the referee was not being kind to our team. Marginal calls went against us. Points weren't given to us when due. There was a lot of complaining from our bench.

I surmised that I now had two opponents to defeat: my adversary across the mat, and the referee. I remember telling myself that I needed to be better than I was. There would be no complaining, there would be no excuses. I was determined to win, but if I lost it was not because of the officiating. I had to Win Twice.

(Disclaimer: It is not for bragging purposes that I share the result. It simply closes the story.) I won, soundly: 10-0. There was no pin - which in my opinion should have been called for me. I even said to the ref, "There it is Ref, there it is!" To which he replied, "I call the match young man, you be quiet.")

This is a determination that all of us should take to every challenge we face. We should never complain about circumstances for not achieving what we believe we are supposed to achieve. We should not point fingers and assign blame. Rather, we should become better than we need to be.

I believe that inside of each of us is the creativity, capacity, and character to rise above the circumstances surrounding us that seem to magnify our challenges. Think of a better idea. Work a little harder. Don't look for the easy way out. Some ideas:

• Leverage your existing resources. Don't complain about what you don't have, but rather creatively use what you do have.
• Deploy your existing personnel (both employees and volunteers). How better can the giftings and skill sets of each person be used to achieve our goals?
• Control your character. Determine that you will not complain, assign blame, or make excuses. Rather, own what's yours, be what you were called to be, and do what you were called to do.

For many people, bragging rights and making excuses after a game makes for heated yet non-productive conversation. In life, let's let our actions, accomplishments, and character speak for themselves.

Question: What have you done to rise above circumstances and Win Twice? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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Speeding Ticket

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I've gotten two speeding tickets in my life. I received my first one after I'd had my driver's license for less than 4 months.

A group of us high school guys were working with some men in our church sanding and refinishing the floor of our youth room. I was tasked with returning the rented sanders before noon on a Saturday.

We loaded up the big floor sanders into the back of a borrowed truck, and off I went for a one-hour trip to the distant rental company. Doing some quick calculations, I figured I could get to the company before their noon closing with about 5 minutes to spare.

As I got closer, I realized that I was going to be late. So I started speeding. Sure enough, there was a Florida Highway Patrolman hiding on a strip of highway and he stopped me.

I was scared, nervous, and I didn't want to be responsible for being late with the sanders. So I began to make excuses: We were doing work at our church. I am not used to driving this powerful truck.

My efforts were fruitless. I got my first speeding ticket.

My second ticket was awarded to me many years later when I was with my 17 year old son and a friend of his attending the Cornerstone Music Festival in Illinois. We had gotten up very early to catch a flight from Florida, rented a car at the airport and driven over two hours to the festival site, spent the day listening to bands, and at 1:30 am the next morning we left to go to our motel.

I was tired, hungry, cranky, and in need of a shower. We were in the middle of miles of corn fields, it was 20 minutes to the nearest town where our motel was, and there was no one on the roads at that hour. So I sped.

When the Illinois Highway Patrolman approached my car, I had my license, insurance card, and rental car agreement ready. The patrolman said, "Good evening sir." I responded with, "I was wrong. I was speeding. No excuse."

I got my second speeding ticket.

Here are some things I have learned:

• Accept responsibility. Our society encourages us to redirect blame and deflect fault. When we do what is wrong, we have done what is wrong. It's on us. I was wrong. I was speeding. No excuse.
• Focus on the action. We tend to identify and draw attention to the result of what we've done, not the action itself. Most people will say: I got a ticket. Few will say I was speeding.
• Receive the consequences. Consequences are the natural result of our actions. It's not about getting caught, it's about what we did in the first place. My choices bring repercussions.
• Seek forgiveness. There is something to be said about asking for forgiveness. It accepts responsibility, it shows repentance, and it frees the one who delivers the consequence. (Not to be used to avoid consequences.) I was wrong. Please forgive me.
• Learn from mistakes. If we don't learn from our actions and the consequences they bring, we will continue to make those same mistakes. Our goal should be to always move forward with our lives. What can I do in my life to be a better, more effective influence?

Have a nice day.

Question: What are your experiences with speeding tickets? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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One-Man Band

Much earlier in my youth ministry career, I was a one-man band. I did it all: teaching, worship leading, newsletter publishing, event planning, counseling, game leading, retreat pastoring, t-shirt designing, MC.

I thought that's what I was supposed to do. After all, I was gifted, talented, and full of personality. I was the guy. How wrong I was.

I was sitting at a national youth ministry conference (I'm sure looking down my nose at the thousands of other youth pastors who didn't have my charisma), and the speaker said these words: Find the one or two things you are really good at, and build a team to do the rest.

At first I struggled with those words on two levels: First, my arrogance prevented me from seeing the one or two things that I was really good at. I thought I was really good at everything. Second, I wasn't sure I could let go of some of the things I did as a youth pastor and trust them in the hands of others.

But I was determined to be an even better youth pastor, and I respected the speaker who said those words, so I went home from the event with a new resolve: Build a team, and multiply ministry effectiveness.

That was many years ago, and I am grateful I learned that truth back then. Here are some of the values I learned:

• There are people who can do things much better than I can. Our student ministry newsletters (this was before the internet and web publishing) took on an entire new dimension when a gifted writer/creative took it over. I actually had leaders who were funnier than I was in front of crowds, who made me look boring.
• There is huge value in building a team. The event (worship service, retreat, camp, service project, etc.) will be better when planned and executed by a team. But better than that, the team will be greater because of the time spent praying, planning, and working together.
• Having a team allows me to pour myself into others and mentor them. By doing everything myself, I was not teaching others how to do ministry. By allowing others to take on ministry responsibilities, I was helping them build their skills, develop their giftings, and exercise their callings.
• My effectiveness multiplied. As I poured into a team, they in turn could pour into others (adults and students), thus extending ministry effectiveness well beyond my personal ability. Simple math.
• It doesn't all depend on me. Years ago I had scheduled a retreat with our middle school students. I was going to do it all: worship leading, games, teachings, small group discussion leading, everything. The night before we were to leave for the retreat my wife went into labor with our first child. I couldn't go on the retreat. And there was no team to pick up the slack on the one or two things I was scheduled to do. I was going to do it all. It was disaster in the making. (A colleaugue on our staff led the retreat in my place. I am still grateful to him for salvaging my poor leadership.)

I am grateful that I began to learn that powerful truth (lie) of the one-man band when I did. Conducting the orchestra seems to suit me more. Plus it sounds a whole lot better...

Question: What other values can be achieved by not being a one-man band? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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My Mom: A True Visionary

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My 83 year old mother is visiting us this week. Spending time with her I am reminded how much of a true visionary she is. The stories she is relating and the ones I remember her telling in past conversations highlight this.

She was born into a poor farming family in Hungary, (Seven people lived in a one-room house.)

She came to America as a 10 year old just before the onset of World War II. (Her ship was torpedoed and sunk by a German U-boat on its return voyage.)

Living in an immigrant neighborhood in New York, she learned English attending public school. (The first months were difficult: it was not a Hungarian-speaking school.)

After graduation from high school, she got a job at the makeup counter in Macy's, and then became a fashion model for the store. (She was stunning...she still is!)

Mom married the man who would become my father, and a few years later found herself as a 34 year old widow with three small children.

The stories continue: many of them I remember as life events because I was there. What distinguishes my Mom is that through all the difficulties she experienced, she always had vision.

Her and my father began an exclusive clothing company, where my Mom designed and made the clothes, later hiring and managing a factory of seamstresses to work for her as my father traveled and sold the product line to high-end stores.

She wanted to be a painter: my Mom makes beautiful creations using multiple mediums and materials. (She presented my wife and me new pictures from her hand this visit.) Mom wanted to write: now she regularly contributes to devotion books.

My mother re-married, had another child, and gave herself to instilling vision into her children. She encouraged us to follow our dreams: "You can be anything you want to be" she would often say. (The result: a Doctor, a College Professor, a Property Manager, and a Pastor.)

Being creative herself, she encouraged the arts in her children. (One of my sisters is a published author, one of us is a songwriter/producer, all of us are musicians or singers.)

And now as she nears her 84th birthday, my Mother, who has a sharp sense of humor, continues to live out a visionary life. She related to me the other day, "I hope I don't die soon. I have too much I want to do."

She paints, she sews, she supports missionary efforts around the world, and she has a prayer list that goes on for pages. Her new "family" vision is for her eight grandchildren, constantly encouraging and challenging them to follow their dreams, to pursue their passions, and to "be anything they want to be".

That's my Mom at 83: a true Visionary!

Question: Who do you know that has consistently been a true visionary throughout their life, and has inspired your vision? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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Twins

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My very first youth pastor leadership role back in 197... a long time ago, found me as a idealistic college student overseeing a middle school ministry. Of course I had an incredible team of adults standing beside me, and my mentor and youth ministry hero shepherding me.

Probably one of the most unique things about this group was that among the 50+ students that identified themselves with us on a regular basis, there were three sets of identical twins. Perhaps this was a statistical anomaly to be celebrated, but I still found myself often disoriented as I stood in front of the group and saw identical faces scattered throughout the crowd.

Two sets were boys, one set was girls. One set of boys did all they could to separate themselves from each other, both in proximity and in dress, hair style, etc. This was a big help to me.

The other set of boys and the girls dressed alike, acted alike, sat together, and always approached me to talk as a pair. (Thanks a lot!)

It was easy for all around me to see that: 1) I was an insecure rookie youth pastor, 2) I was seeking to impress the other adults who worked with me, and 3) I didn't have a clue to what I was doing. Add to that three sets of identical twins comprising over 10% of the group and I was in way over my head.

The girls even went so far as to contribute to my confusion by swapping name tags, adopting the other's nuances, and conspiring with some of the students to use the identical twin card to constantly keep me off-balance.

A lot of creativity, quick wit to cover mistakes, and "weaseling" went on during those first few years of ministry.

But I did take away some powerful lessons from that experience:

• No matter how hard people try to be like others, everyone is still unique, and they deserve to be treated that way. Even the twins who tried to be like their counterpart were very different. Celebrate the differences in people.
• Everyone has something about them that they may not be happy about. Sometimes the twins confided that they didn't like the fact that there was someone who looked just like them. Be sensitive to hurtful things that we may perceive as accepted.
• We shouldn't take ourselves too seriously. I was trying very hard to make a good impression on my adult leadership team, to make sure the all of students liked me, and to make my mentor proud of me. Be yourself, and allow others to accept you the way you truly are.

I am grateful for the confidence that my mentor placed in me to turn me lose in that role. I am grateful for the adults who allowed me to make mistakes without judgement. I am grateful for the students who responded to my leadership, some of whom are still friends after 30+ years.

Question: What is a unique situation that you have you been placed in that became a powerful learning tool for you? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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