Do We Talk Too Much?

I know I am being contradictory right out of the chute, speaking to you through a Blog post titled "Do We Talk Too Much?" But allow me to ask and comment on that question...

Do We Talk Too Much? Every where look (listen) people are talking: Political candidates, commentators, announcers, parents, children, friends, DJs, commercials, talk radio (no surprise there), newscasters, and... Us. We call, text, comment, post, comment on posts, comment on other's comments on posts... Well, you get the picture.

Do you quickly comment "I do that." or "I love that too!" or "I know what you mean." when listening to another person?

There seems to be a lot coming out of our mouths. But have you considered if it might be beneficial to not talk after you hear someone else say something, but rather probe deeper and allow the other person to have the opportunity to say more?

One of my life principles that I seek to consistently model is this: Be interested, not interesting. What I seek to do is this: When someone tells a story, relates an experience, or makes a comment, instead of giving my opinion, sharing my own story or thoughts on the matter, I stop myself and ask the person to clarify, or ask how they feel about it. Or simply, I don't verbally respond, but use my facial expression to communicate.

Usually, we like to make everything about us. Our experience. Our struggle. Our history. Our victory. But should we be doing that?

Evaluate your last conversation. Look at your last Facebook post or comment. Re-read your last text conversation. Was it about the other person, or about you? Did you turn the conversation around to reflect your ideas, your story, or your comment and opinion?

What would happen if instead of turning someone's comment, experience, opinion, or story into what we want to say, we allowed it to remain about the other person? What if we simply said "Good for you!" (when something good happens to someone), or "Wow, that's gotta be tough" (when others experience difficulty)?

Here are some ideas to try:

• Ask yourself, "Why am I talking?" When verbalizing something, or writing a Facebook post or comment, or texting, ask yourself why you are talking (commenting, posting). Are you talking about you or them?
• Practice asking the other person," And what else?" So often we immediately jump in and speak before we hear the entire story or experience the other person is seeking to relate. Ask for more, instead of contributing.
• Ask the other person, "What do you think? or "How do you feel about that?" Those two questions go a long way in clarifying the other person's heart as they communicate.

Allow me to exhort you: Be interested, not interesting. Stop yourself from speaking while another is speaking, or immediately when they are done. Allow conversations to be about someone else besides ourselves. Lead Well!

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Manliness And My Mini Cooper

A few days ago I was walking across the parking lot to my Mini Cooper and someone called out, "Why do you drive a Mini Cooper? That's a 'girlie' car!"

I was surprised by that comment! I actually did not know that a type of car determined if I was "girly" or not. Interesting...

I consider myself to be a relatively well-read person, but apparently I have not come across the book "What You Drive Determines Your Manliness". And if that book actually does exist (I googled it and couldn't find it), who made the rules on what is considered a manly or girly car?

It is interesting how our culture writes and rewrites "rules" to determine a person's place in that culture. One day a type of food or style of music ls considered acceptable. Two weeks later it is bad for you or obsolete.

(The movie "The Italian Job" popularized the Mini Cooper here in the US, and interestingly one of the Minis used in the movie was driven by the actor Jason Statham, who in that movie and in other roles always plays a man's man.)

We find this same influence in the western church. Music and ministry styles come and go with much frequency. This leader says church should be done this way. After the next conference we find out that church should be done a different way. (For me, it's all about God's Word and the Presence of God.)

But back to manliness and my Mini Cooper. By driving one, I am not seeking to impress my peers. Nor am I trying to be attractive to other women.

I dive a Mini Cooper simply because it's fun to drive. My wife will say I drive it because it is great on gas mileage and I am cheap. She is absolutely right! Great mileage and fun to drive... Not a bad couple of reasons to drive one!

The one place where I do find manliness defined is in God's Word. Among other things, it clearly says that I am to love my wife, give myself for her, lay down my life for my friends, pray without ceasing, consider others more important than myself, not gossip, and seek after God always. That defines if I am manly.

But no mention of a Mini Cooper. Lead Well!

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Are You Multi-Visioned?

Vision. We all need vision. We all need vision for multiple areas of our lives. We cannot expect to accomplish anything with our lives unless we are purposeful about living them.

If we never plot our course and raise our sails, we will simply drift and be at the mercy of life around us. When it is all over, we will have been a spectator instead of a history maker (read more about that here).

Here are a few areas where we ought to have a vision, and a plan to accomplish those visions. (I gave some personal examples from my life simply as an encouragement):

• Personal - What do you want to accomplish in your personal life and growth during the next year; five years; season; lifetime? I am seeking to strengthen and diversify my daily spiritual time with the Lord. I have a list of books that I am purposing to read. I am constantly fine-tuning my exercise routine as I age. I have weight and health goals that I monitor and maintain.
• Family - How do you see your spouse and children, growing (spiritually, emotionally, educationally, relationally) during the next year; five years; season; lifetime? Our family has re-shaped over the last 10 years: Marriage of one child, moving out and subsequent return of another, moving out for the third. We are constantly re-evaluating goals and vision among ourselves as we weather these changes.
• Financial - Where do you plan to be financially in the next year; five years; season; lifetime? (This is not our most important priority.) Except for our home, we are debt-free. We have in place a systematic plan to pay off our home. We have increased our giving to international missions.
• Professional - What are your professional growth goals for the next year; five years; season; retirement? Coasting and professional stagnation are not in my future. My plan is to continue to grow and always be reproducing myself into the lives of others. I am consistently writing and arranging music, as well as increasing my musical skill-set through practice. Although I do not believe in formal “retirement” where I will stop working and live off of my savings, I do know that I need to be expanding my non-musical skills for future opportunities.
• Ministry - (I believe that everyone ought to have a ministry -  not just professional clergy. And for professional clergy, I believe that you ought to have a ministry outside of your church.) What are your ministry plans for yourself and your family for the next year; five years; season; lifetime? My ministry is to the unreached Muslim and Hindu people of northern India. I am seeking to reproduce that vision into my children. (I have taken one of my sons with me on a mission trip to India, and am seeking to take my other two children.)

What is your vision for these areas of your life? What plans do you have in place to accomplish those visions?

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Dreams To Disappointments

Everybody dreams about something: A better life, a more successful business, an incredible vacation, a better world... Dreaming is a part of life.

But for every dream we have, there seems to be accompanying disappointments that oftentimes discourage us from dreaming. The better life dream dissolves when the sickness hits. The successful business fails when the economy drops. The incredible vacation sails into the sunset when the transmission goes out on our car.

Disappointments are as much a part of life as dreaming. How we handle those disappointments determine if we remain dreamers. Consider these ideas:

• Write down your dreams. When sidetracked by unexpected disappointments, we tend to forget our dreams. Keeping them in front of us will help us get back on track in pursuit of our dreams.
• Be willing to change what your dreams look like. Don't minimize them, simply see them from another perspective.
• Dream dreams that are big enough to outlast you. Don't let the fulfillment of your dreams end when your life ends. Have dreams of generational and eternal value.
• See disappointments as ruling out ways to pursue our dreams. Edison said he discovered 10,000 ways not to make a lightbulb, in the pursuit of creating one.
• Be willing to lay aside your dreams for a greater purpose. Maybe God has something else for you. His dream for you is usually better than your dream for you. Which leads us to...
• Make sure your dreams are God's dreams. Instead of asking God to bless your dreams, ask God what His dreams for you are, and get in on them.

Dream. Dream big dreams. Dream dreams that are bigger than your disappointments.

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