How To Not Be So Interesting

Most people love to talk about themselves, and most people have become pretty good at it.

A few weeks ago I wrote in this space a Blog titled "Do We Talk Too Much?" where I mentioned this thought: Be interested, not interesting. I went on to say that when someone shares a thought or relates a story, instead of giving my opinion, or sharing my own story and thoughts on the matter, I stop and allow that person to share some more.

Some of us are more interesting than others. Some of us are the most entertaining person in the room. Some of us are just plain odd (a description my wife sometimes places on me). But all of us can become not so interesting.

How can we do that? By simply becoming interested in the other person/people around us. We can do that by asking good questions.

Allow me to share some questions to ask which will make us less interesting and more interested:

• How did you spend your long-weekend? (Instead of "Let me tell you what I did on my long-weekend...") If they ask us how we spent ours, we can respond: "I had a great time away with my family. What about you?" 
• What are some of the books you are reading? (Instead of "Let me tell you about this book I just read...") If we are asked what we are reading, we can share the title of the book(s) and then quickly follow-up with: What about you? (By the way, that was a subtle hint to turn off the TV and read.)
• How is it going at your job? (Instead of "Let me tell you what happened at my work this week...") Again, if we are asked this question, we can give a quick response, and then ask: How is it going at your job?
• What is your favorite (hardest, most challenging, best) part of your job (vacation, hobby, childhood memory)? You get the picture...

In summary:

• Ask questions that people want to be asked.
• Allow questions that we are asked to be a springboard for another's response by simply asking it back. 
• Go deeper than "Did you see the (your favorite team) game?" Life is more than sports.
• Ask questions that are open-ended and allow others to share what is important to them.

Do you see the theme here? It's not difficult to direct attention away from ourselves and allow others to share about their dreams, goals, and lives. That is how true relationships are built. That is how we can add value to other's lives. Lead Well!

(You can receive this Blog every week via email by entering your address on the top right.)

If you like this post, you can re-post it, 'share' it on your Facebook status, 'Tweet' it, or forward it to your friends. Subscribe to regular postings of this Blog on the top right of this page.

Do You Have An Alibi?

I was having a lively and fun exchange earlier today with the pastor whom I serve alongside of. He is a former prosecuting attorney before he entered full-time ministry.

He jokingly said in our open office for all to hear that I had left a door unlocked. I responded that although accused of the crime, I had a great defense attorney and wasn't worried. He in turn asked if I had an alibi. I told him I didn't need an alibi as long as I had a great attorney. And if I needed to, I could produce 12 witnesses, all of them my grandmother, that would swear that I was with them when the door was allegedly left unlocked.

We laughed, but I began to think about alibis. Usually they are associated with a crime, when a person needs someone to vouch for them. Often they are accurate. Sometimes they are fabricated.

Have you ever needed an alibi? Have you ever fabricated an alibi to assert innocence, even when you were guilty?

Integrity. The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles and moral uprightness.

I believe that integrity is the issue here. If we are known for our integrity, we wouldn't need an alibi. The fact that our word can be trusted goes a long way towards proving that what we say is right.

Integrity may not stand up in a court of law, but it surely stands up in the condition of life.

By the way, I was eight miles away visiting someone in a hospital, with three other witnesses (neither of which are my grandmother), during the time that the door was allegedly left unlocked!

(You can receive this Blog every week via email by entering your address on the top right.)

If you like this post, you can re-post it, 'share' it on your Facebook status, 'Tweet' it, or forward it to your friends. Subscribe to regular postings of this Blog on the top right of this page.

What's In It For Me?

What’s in it for me? I believe that is the most often asked question that is never formally asked in our culture. People tend to make decisions, choices, and recommendations based on what they can get out of it.

Look around: The vast majority of people are seeking to get, and they are seeking to get for themselves.

Follow advertising: 99% of all advertising seeks to “scratch a particular itch” that people have.

Listen to conversations: People are constantly maneuvering and re-shaping conversations towards themselves and their desires, needs, and experiences.

Is that true about us as Christians? Are we people who usually evaluate life based on What’s in it for me? If it is, should that be true about us as Believers?

God’s Word makes it very clear that life is to be lived for God (see the Greatest Commandment), and for others (see the 2nd Greatest Commandment). In other words, we should always be asking the question: What’s in to for them? (What's in it for God, and what's in it for others).

This is what I call a Kingdom Mindset. That is, seeking to build up the Kingdom of God, rather than our personal kingdoms. You might say that seeing what’s in it for you is ok, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else. But we must again look at the 1st and 2nd Greatest Commandments of Jesus. Are we loving the Lord with all of our hearts, and are we loving others, in everything we do?

May I encourage us to ask the question: What’s in to for them? in everything we do: At work, while watching TV, while conversing, at the store, on FaceBook, even when worshipping on Sundays…

Are we making it about me, or about them? Lead Well!

(You can receive this Blog every week via email by entering your address on the top right.)

If you like this post, you can re-post it, 'share' it on your Facebook status, 'Tweet' it, or forward it to your friends. Subscribe to regular postings of this Blog on the top right of this page.