One-Man Band

Much earlier in my youth ministry career, I was a one-man band. I did it all: teaching, worship leading, newsletter publishing, event planning, counseling, game leading, retreat pastoring, t-shirt designing, MC.

I thought that's what I was supposed to do. After all, I was gifted, talented, and full of personality. I was the guy. How wrong I was.

I was sitting at a national youth ministry conference (I'm sure looking down my nose at the thousands of other youth pastors who didn't have my charisma), and the speaker said these words: Find the one or two things you are really good at, and build a team to do the rest.

At first I struggled with those words on two levels: First, my arrogance prevented me from seeing the one or two things that I was really good at. I thought I was really good at everything. Second, I wasn't sure I could let go of some of the things I did as a youth pastor and trust them in the hands of others.

But I was determined to be an even better youth pastor, and I respected the speaker who said those words, so I went home from the event with a new resolve: Build a team, and multiply ministry effectiveness.

That was many years ago, and I am grateful I learned that truth back then. Here are some of the values I learned:

• There are people who can do things much better than I can. Our student ministry newsletters (this was before the internet and web publishing) took on an entire new dimension when a gifted writer/creative took it over. I actually had leaders who were funnier than I was in front of crowds, who made me look boring.
• There is huge value in building a team. The event (worship service, retreat, camp, service project, etc.) will be better when planned and executed by a team. But better than that, the team will be greater because of the time spent praying, planning, and working together.
• Having a team allows me to pour myself into others and mentor them. By doing everything myself, I was not teaching others how to do ministry. By allowing others to take on ministry responsibilities, I was helping them build their skills, develop their giftings, and exercise their callings.
• My effectiveness multiplied. As I poured into a team, they in turn could pour into others (adults and students), thus extending ministry effectiveness well beyond my personal ability. Simple math.
• It doesn't all depend on me. Years ago I had scheduled a retreat with our middle school students. I was going to do it all: worship leading, games, teachings, small group discussion leading, everything. The night before we were to leave for the retreat my wife went into labor with our first child. I couldn't go on the retreat. And there was no team to pick up the slack on the one or two things I was scheduled to do. I was going to do it all. It was disaster in the making. (A colleaugue on our staff led the retreat in my place. I am still grateful to him for salvaging my poor leadership.)

I am grateful that I began to learn that powerful truth (lie) of the one-man band when I did. Conducting the orchestra seems to suit me more. Plus it sounds a whole lot better...

Question: What other values can be achieved by not being a one-man band? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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My Mom: A True Visionary

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My 83 year old mother is visiting us this week. Spending time with her I am reminded how much of a true visionary she is. The stories she is relating and the ones I remember her telling in past conversations highlight this.

She was born into a poor farming family in Hungary, (Seven people lived in a one-room house.)

She came to America as a 10 year old just before the onset of World War II. (Her ship was torpedoed and sunk by a German U-boat on its return voyage.)

Living in an immigrant neighborhood in New York, she learned English attending public school. (The first months were difficult: it was not a Hungarian-speaking school.)

After graduation from high school, she got a job at the makeup counter in Macy's, and then became a fashion model for the store. (She was stunning...she still is!)

Mom married the man who would become my father, and a few years later found herself as a 34 year old widow with three small children.

The stories continue: many of them I remember as life events because I was there. What distinguishes my Mom is that through all the difficulties she experienced, she always had vision.

Her and my father began an exclusive clothing company, where my Mom designed and made the clothes, later hiring and managing a factory of seamstresses to work for her as my father traveled and sold the product line to high-end stores.

She wanted to be a painter: my Mom makes beautiful creations using multiple mediums and materials. (She presented my wife and me new pictures from her hand this visit.) Mom wanted to write: now she regularly contributes to devotion books.

My mother re-married, had another child, and gave herself to instilling vision into her children. She encouraged us to follow our dreams: "You can be anything you want to be" she would often say. (The result: a Doctor, a College Professor, a Property Manager, and a Pastor.)

Being creative herself, she encouraged the arts in her children. (One of my sisters is a published author, one of us is a songwriter/producer, all of us are musicians or singers.)

And now as she nears her 84th birthday, my Mother, who has a sharp sense of humor, continues to live out a visionary life. She related to me the other day, "I hope I don't die soon. I have too much I want to do."

She paints, she sews, she supports missionary efforts around the world, and she has a prayer list that goes on for pages. Her new "family" vision is for her eight grandchildren, constantly encouraging and challenging them to follow their dreams, to pursue their passions, and to "be anything they want to be".

That's my Mom at 83: a true Visionary!

Question: Who do you know that has consistently been a true visionary throughout their life, and has inspired your vision? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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Twins

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My very first youth pastor leadership role back in 197... a long time ago, found me as a idealistic college student overseeing a middle school ministry. Of course I had an incredible team of adults standing beside me, and my mentor and youth ministry hero shepherding me.

Probably one of the most unique things about this group was that among the 50+ students that identified themselves with us on a regular basis, there were three sets of identical twins. Perhaps this was a statistical anomaly to be celebrated, but I still found myself often disoriented as I stood in front of the group and saw identical faces scattered throughout the crowd.

Two sets were boys, one set was girls. One set of boys did all they could to separate themselves from each other, both in proximity and in dress, hair style, etc. This was a big help to me.

The other set of boys and the girls dressed alike, acted alike, sat together, and always approached me to talk as a pair. (Thanks a lot!)

It was easy for all around me to see that: 1) I was an insecure rookie youth pastor, 2) I was seeking to impress the other adults who worked with me, and 3) I didn't have a clue to what I was doing. Add to that three sets of identical twins comprising over 10% of the group and I was in way over my head.

The girls even went so far as to contribute to my confusion by swapping name tags, adopting the other's nuances, and conspiring with some of the students to use the identical twin card to constantly keep me off-balance.

A lot of creativity, quick wit to cover mistakes, and "weaseling" went on during those first few years of ministry.

But I did take away some powerful lessons from that experience:

• No matter how hard people try to be like others, everyone is still unique, and they deserve to be treated that way. Even the twins who tried to be like their counterpart were very different. Celebrate the differences in people.
• Everyone has something about them that they may not be happy about. Sometimes the twins confided that they didn't like the fact that there was someone who looked just like them. Be sensitive to hurtful things that we may perceive as accepted.
• We shouldn't take ourselves too seriously. I was trying very hard to make a good impression on my adult leadership team, to make sure the all of students liked me, and to make my mentor proud of me. Be yourself, and allow others to accept you the way you truly are.

I am grateful for the confidence that my mentor placed in me to turn me lose in that role. I am grateful for the adults who allowed me to make mistakes without judgement. I am grateful for the students who responded to my leadership, some of whom are still friends after 30+ years.

Question: What is a unique situation that you have you been placed in that became a powerful learning tool for you? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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Go Fly A Kite

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Several weeks ago Zachariah, one of my children, came to visit with his family. While Zach and his bride went kayaking, I took their daughter Charlotte to the island to fly our kite.

I bought the kite many years ago when Zach was just a baby, and would take my oldest son Eric kite flying. We had great fun and great conversation, as he and I would fly the kite while Zach would sit in his infant carrier under the shade of a tree.

As Zach grew, I would take him kite flying. He too had great fun controlling the kite, making if dive and soar. Great memories and great relationship building.

Because kite flying had become an important rite of passage with my boys, when my daughter Elisha Michelle had grown enough, I knew it was time to expose her to the joys of para-foil aerodynamics.

The first time we went, we headed to a park with a huge field, stopping at a bagel shop on the way for a couple of bagels-to-go (my Jewish heritage). I was excited: the sun was bright, the sky was clear, and there was a wonderful breeze blowing.

We proceeded to launch the kite, letting the string play out while the updrafts and currents caught. I showed her how to reel in some of the string to catch the right current, instructed her on thermal lift, and sought to encourage her as she worked the kite.

She kept eyeing the adjacent playground, and finally handed me the string and told me she wanted to go play on the swings. Thinking I could keep her interest I said, "We'll eat our bagels now'" hoping she would want to return to the kite when we finished.

We ate the bagels, then my daughter began to walk to the playground. I gathered the kite and string, put it in my car, and spent the next hour playing on the playground with my daughter.

Now, many years later when she recalls the experience, she says that "Dad bought us bagels".

My granddaughter Charlotte commented to her Mom after our kite flying outing: "We flew the kite for a little while, then spent a long time walking along the shore counting dead jellyfish." I have a feeling the dead jellyfish will be the main memory for her.

But that's OK! Whether it be bagels or dead jellyfish it's a memory, and memories are a big part of the bond that connects relationships.

Question: What are you doing to create memories and build bonds in your relationships? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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Sagging Pants In India

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On one of my recent India trips, our team had stopped at a roadside café in the middle of the Himalayan foothills in Jammu-Kashmir to grab some breakfast. (Picture an open-air pavilion rather than an IHOP.) Not being a big breakfast eater, I got some tea and wandered around, trying to engage the locals.

As I stood on the side of the road which bordered a forest, I noticed a boy of about 12 carrying firewood out of the trees and over to his family's humble tea stall (a roadside stall that sold tea to passers-by). It was obvious that this was the only source of income for the family, and that it wasn't a very lucrative endeavor.

The boy, who was dressed in a pair of tattered pants about four sizes too big for him, was struggling to carry the wood, navigate the path out of the trees, and keep up with his father's demands for a constant supply of fresh firewood.

It was almost comical, because as the boy would walk, his pants (which were missing any sort of button or belt) would begin to slide down, and he would have to release one of his hands on the wood to grab his pants before they dropped to an embarrassing level. By letting go of the armful of wood to grab his pants, the load became unbalanced and would dump on the ground.

I wanted to help the boy carry the firewood, but I knew that this would only be a temporary fix to a larger problem.

Then some creativity kicked-in, and I remembered that I carried safety pins in my shaving kit. I retrieved one from my bag in our vehicle, and cautiously approached the tea stall. Knowing only a few basic words in the native Urdu language, I used a series of motions, pointing, and demonstrations on myself of the value of a safety-pin for the situation at hand.

The father finally realized that I wasn't a threat and that I genuinely wanted to help his son. He took the safety-pin from me, smiled big and offered me some tea. Refusing the tea would have been a dishonor, but I didn't want there to be any "payment" for my simple act of kindness.

Fortunately for me, our van was loading and I was delaying our departure. I waved goodbye and ran to the van. We pulled away, and that was the last I saw of the boy with the sagging pants.

Question: Do you have a story of spontaneous creativity that helped you solve a problem? Share your thoughts below in comments.

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